The AntiCliche
by chalkboardcalzone
Summary: A story free of all the usual HG/SS cliches. See what happens when the orange-wearing Severus and the Quidditch-loving *not* Head Girl Hermione get together!


Severus Snape woke up late, inhaling the citrus scent of his penthouse quarters.

__

I love mornings, he thought to himself as he pulled back his white cotton sheets, stepping onto the soft carpet of his floor. He glided to the windows, pulling back the curtains and savoring the view of the Hogwarts grounds. _What a beautiful day!_ he thought as he gazed over the lake, watching the clouds reflected there.

Finally he turned and walked toward the already-crackling fire in the rather small fireplace. The house-elves knew how much he enjoyed a warm bedroom, so they crept in early to light it for him. They also were thoughtful enough to leave a breakfast tray for Severus, as it was a Saturday.

He glanced at the tray of bacon, eggs, toast, tomatoes, and orange juice hungrily. The elves knew the hearty appetite of the potions master, and liked to keep him happy. As much as the tray tempted him, Severus decided to head to the Great Hall for breakfast this morning. _Actually, it is probably more like lunchtime_, he thought, thinking of how long and well he had slept last night. 

Pulling on some white Hanes, Severus scanned his wardrobe. Smiling to himself, he pulled out some orange robes. _These certainly match my mood today!_ He grabbed his wand, and headed out the door toward the bathroom. Unfortunately, he had a bit of a hike to the WC down the hall. _But that's the price one pays for quarters on the top floor!_

Reaching the bathroom, Severus ducked in for a quick pee and to check his appearance in the mirror. He combed his hair, brushed his teeth, and shaved with his little blue safety razor. He liked the elegance of a straight razor, but he was not suicidal! 

Gazing into the mirror, Severus was pleased with what he saw. _These orange robes go well with my hair. Very Halloween. _

*** 

Hermione Granger was depressed. She sat in the Great Hall, picking at her toast. Her brown hair was tangled and matted, and the black tee shirt she wore was covered in cat hair. 

"Hermione, are you all right?" asked Ron, scooting closer with a concerned look on his face. 

"Ron, it's just that I haven't been doing well in Arithmancy this term. I just don't get it!"

"Well, Hermione, you could get Gregory Goyle to tutor you. I hear he is really brilliant in that subject." 

"I guess you're right. I _hate_ Arithmancy! It is that stupid subject that kept me from being Head Girl!" she sent hateful looks at the Ravenclaw table where the actual Head Girl sat.

"I could go over and ask Goyle to help you out, if you like." Ron offered sweetly.

"Whatever," said Hermione, who was absorbed with blinking an errant contact lens into place.

A few minutes later, Ron returned with Goyle, who was carrying an Arithmancy book and a stack of parchment, and Draco Malfoy. Draco had grown a lot in the past few years, and the girls flocked to his rugged looks and broad shoulders. 

"Hermione, I heard that you were having a bit of trouble with Arithmancy. I thought I could offer my services," Goyle held out his hand. As a pureblood wizard, he had obviously grown up with excellent manners.

"Um, OK, I guess." Hermione waffled a bit. "I mean, I don't have to be the best at _everything_, you know." The four laughed, Draco's deep voice resonating in his broad chest.

Before anyone could speak again, Professor Snape swept into the room. Several Hufflepuffs waved at him, and he waved back with a grin on his face before heading to the head table and taking his place next to Professor McGonagall. 

"Wow!" exclaimed Ron. "It looks like Snape is a Chudley Cannons fan!" he said, referring to the orange robes. "I'm gonna go ask him what he thought about that last match against France." Ron hurried up to the head table. 

"Well, Hermione," said Goyle, "Draco and I still have a bit of breakfast to finish up, but I'll gladly meet you this afternoon to work in the library."

"Ok," replied Hermione, "but don't forget the Quidditch match this afternoon. I can't miss that!"

*** 

Severus was very excited about the Quidditch game. He had had a very enjoyable conversation with Ron Weasley about the sport earlier, and was really in the mood for some Bludger action. He made his way into the teacher's box and took a seat, armed with his Slytherin cap and scarf (which clashed horribly with his robes). Minerva entered the box, and he waved her over. 

"Good afternoon, Professor Snape," she said as she took a seat next to her colleague and friend.

"Good afternoon, Minerva. Are you ready for Slytherin to pound Gryffindor into a pulp?"

"You wish, Severus," she laughed, punching the Potions Master playfully on the arm.

*** 

Hermione left the game grinning and happy. Her House had won against their rivals, and even if they hadn't, she had just enjoyed a wonderful game of Quidditch. Harry had been spectacular, and she couldn't wait to discuss the finer points of his game.

She kept her eyes down, and soon saw his tousled black hair. Harry was one of the shortest students in the year, and as such was easy to find. He was talking to the Headmaster in an empty corridor, and Dumbledore had a worried look on his face.

"…Harry, I just don't know what is going on! I don't know what do do!" Hermione heard Dumbledore say to her friend. The Headmaster looked up and saw Hermione making her way toward them, and he quickly excused himself, hurrying off to his office.

*** 

Harry, Ron, and Hermione joined in the celebration in the Gryffindor common room, guzzling butterbeer and stuffing themselves with sweets. Neville had become an expert at brewing the Invisibility Potion, so he was the designated kitchen raider now that Fred and George had left Hogwarts.

The three friends chatted about the Quidditch game, and eventually the subject of Snape came up. 

"It turns out he is a really big Chudley Cannons fan!" Ron said excitedly. "I wish I could get a set of those robes he's got."

"Yeah, he did look darkly attractive in them, didn't he?" Hermione grinned.

"Eww, Hermione, Snape is _not_ handsome!" said Harry, wrinkling his nose at the thought.

"True, but he does look shaggable!"

Harry leaned over the arm of the chair he was sitting on and retched into the litter box pushed into the corner. Crookshanks gave him an evil look.

Ron grinned at Hermione. "Why don't you go shag him, then?"

"Ron! You know I have to go meet Goyle to work on Arithmancy….Actually, I think I'd rather go pay Professor Snape a visit." Hermione grinned evilly.

"Here, Hermione, don't forget to use protection," Ron said, tossing her a condom.

"Ron, where did you get this?"

"Obviously not from my parents!" The two laughed as Harry ran from the room.

*** 

Hermione sighed as she lay in bed next to the potions master. He was asleep. She was very awake.

How could someone who looked so shaggable in those orange robes be so…awful in bed??

She glanced at her Professor, who was snoring with a smile on his harsh face. He had not been hard to seduce; all Hermione had to do was offer and he was ready to go. Apparently, everything about his sex life was quick.

She was not a virgin, but she wasn't a slut either. Was it so awful that she just wanted a good shag every now and then?

She sighed again and picked at the handmade quilt covering Snape's bed. _I wonder what Goyle is doing right now…?_


End file.
